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A Match Made in Heaven?
This couple looks so obviously happy
together. Their story reads like a True Romance novel. Full of romance,
self sacrifice, obstacles, pain, loyalty, and of course, true love.
There's even a happy ending.
They first met, barely, in high school.
Ten years later they re-met again, and were both immediately struck by
what they smilingly say was "love at first sight". But one of them
was in a relationship already. They did not date, cheat, sneak
around, or betray anyone. In time that relationship ended. It was not
until months afterwards that they saw each other again, but on that very
night, now learning they were both single, they became a couple. A year
later, still together, they set up house together. They started saving
money to buy their own home, but one dreamed of owning a business. The
other sacrificed his own lifelong dream of buying a house, and his own
career in nursing, to buy the business his love desired, and help to run
it. They lived in a basement apartment for six more years to save
enough, a second time, for their home together. They tell fond stories
of the anniversary where they did not have the money to do something
special, and how they could only celebrate with dinner at McDonald's.
That's an anniversary they both remember clearly and seem to cherish as
something that only brought them closer. Now after twelve years, after
many years of working together daily, and through the ups and downs of
any relationship, they are still together. Still obviously in love and
happy. Two people who show a great respect and regard for each other,
two people who are kind to one another, support and honour one another,
and display friendship in the very finest sense of the word. Now,
finally, they are engaged to be married and are planning their wedding.
But on their wedding day, it will be the
first time either of their families will have ever seen them touch or
kiss.
There is a part of me that experiences
great sadness in knowing that. These two people display all the
best qualities of what relationships should be. They are not together
out of religious guilt or necessity or duty, not to keep the family
together for the kids, not because they can't afford a divorce.
They are together because things like
love, loyalty, and respect mean something to them. But they are gay. A
same sex couple. Out of concern and love for their families, to avoid
upsetting anyone, or subjecting the people they love to things they may
find distressful, they have never touched one another, held hands, or
kissed the other on the cheek while in their company.
I experienced a very small taste of what
these men live with during an interview I once conducted with them which
led to this article. During the interview the phone rang, the woman on
the line asking questions about the owner of the bar and his family.
While not meaning to listen, we could hardly do otherwise standing only
a few feet from the telephone. The short version of a rather strange
sounding conversation is this... someone was researching her family
tree, needed information, thought she might be related, but was
terrified that these gay men might find out who she was! She would not
say her name, or give out anything private about her life, even to help
her own cause, and even though she felt free to ask some very personal
questions of her own. Questions which were answered patiently and as
helpfully as possible. I felt nearly shamed, to be another heterosexual
female, by their kind response.
I personally do not understand the
patience of these two men! But I have come to like their innate
sense of joy, and the wonderful concern they show for other people.
I
would like to introduce you to Jean Paul Pelletier and fiancé Gilles
Gervais. Together they own and run Zig's Bar in downtown Sudbury
Ontario.
Zig's (taken from Gilles high school
nickname) is Northern Ontario's only gay bar and as such is the centre
of a large community, with visitors coming from all over our province,
and other places, to stop a while. It is also a place where you'll find
as many, or more, straight people as gays hanging out simply because
it's such a comfortable place to be. It may sound odd to some, but it's
kind of a pleasant, clean, "family" sort of place much of the time. Of
course they have the, ahhh..., more interesting nights too, like during
their yearly Halloween costume party or the annual drag queen contest,
when Zig's can be as flamboyant and colourful and outrageous as you'd
care to enjoy. As for the Hollywood version of a gay bar, all black
leather and in your face sexuality, I've not seen that myself, nor have
the owners, they laughingly told me.
These
guys work hard in their community to support things that count, such as
AIDS education and prevention, and teen initiatives. They host regular
fund raisers collecting thousands for local organizations, and open
their back room in the bar, free of charge, to groups and clubs needing
a place to meet. Gay or straight, by the way, all are welcome to use it.
They
show a sense of responsibility to not only the gay community but to
anyone needing a safe harbour in life. They stay open on holidays, even
Christmas, to offer a place of friendship to those alone or without
another place to go.
Sometimes
they are irritated with their community, with the lack of support or
encouragement that the community could be showing them. Love or
hate them, agree with lifestyles or not, they are a unique
establishment in the North and could be promoted to encourage visitors
and tourism. But they are generally ignored.
They get tired of being the ones to call
for political statements about "gay issues", and they look forward to a
world that is no longer concerned with such distinctions.
They hate the intolerance and violence
often shown to the "out" gay members of the community.
So they are only human after all. Pretty
much like any of us as it turns out. Who would have thought?
Congratulations Gilles and JP. All that's
left is the Happily Ever After.
Words to help the directories find this
page...
Zig's Bar, Sudbury Ontario
Gay Marriage in Ontario
Gay Weddings in Ontario
A Gay Couple's Wedding Day
Gay Bars, Ontario
Gay Pride in Ontario
Gay, Bisexual, and Straight Bars
Being Gay in Ontario
Where to go in Sudbury Ontario
Bars in Sudbury Ontario
Nightlife in Sudbury Ontario
